The Bachelor: Chris Soules proposing wasn’t even the biggest finale news

A proposal. A cow. Ashley S. Team Britt vs. Team Kaitlyn. When Chris Harrison said The Bachelor’s Season 19 finale would be the most shocking yet, he wasn’t just tossing out one of his trademark hyperboles.

Because, let’s face it, when he promises, “Tonight’s show features a shocking turn of events that the entire world will be talking about tomorrow morning,” we all assume he’s talking about the same ol’ Bachelor drama that is the most shocking ever every. Single. Episode.

Without further ado, Harrison cuts to Arlington, Iowa, where Soules is struggling with the realization that he is dating two awesome girls and will have to say goodbye to one of them. Because, you know, outside of Sister Wives, polygamy is still generally frowned upon.

Feeling overwhelmed by falling in love with both of them, he decides to clear his head with a stroll across one of his frigid fields. I’m thinking ABC could have cut the production budget in half if they’d simply brought the women in at this point and asked who’d be willing to hike 100 acres in the snow.

When he gets back, Soules heads over to his parents’ house to powwow with the fam. Admittedly, the way he is with his nieces and nephews makes me want to move to Iowa and make babies. Or at least practice. Eh?

Also making a move to bum-effin’-nowhere Iowa more enticing? Soules’ mom, Linda, and dad, Gary, who are so cute I just want to turn them into bobbleheads and stick ’em on my dashboard.

Soules admits to them that he is falling for both girls but in love with neither. Whoa, Nelly… isn’t that what homeboy is giving Becca flak for?

Back in the city, Whitney is getting ready at the hotel for her family visit with Soules. In an undoubtedly tactical move, she’s once again sporting flannel to fit in with the locals. Clever girl.

The flaw in her plan, though, surfaces when we see she’s actually wearing a flannel shirt dress and tights. In the dead of winter. In snow. Then again, perhaps she was simply putting her lady parts on ice until she could use them again.

She makes it inside, though, frozen vag and all and presents Soules’ mom with a bouquet of her own mother’s favorite flowers. OK, that was super sweet.

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